Last weekend I was in the studio with Anders and he pushed me to sing in a way I have never sang before. It gave me a lot of pressure to be as good as possible. He wanted me to sound like an afro-american woman and improvice tunes at the same time + improvise the lyrics. This was in a small piece at the end of a song. I tried and tried and he pushed me more and gave me more inputs.
I tried and tried and though I sing a lot and practice music every day it got to much for me. I got a terrible performance anexiety and had to go out from the studio to take a break and think it over.
But the rest of the day went fine though the terrible feeling was in me for awhile before I got it out. I don´t usually get that feeling when I play music but I guess it was a good thing that he pushed me to get better.
We agreed that I shall arrange the strings for the slow songs so I tried yesterday to arrange a bit of the song. It was hard because it just happened a terrible thing, my grandma died this Thursday. I got really sad and sometimes I had to stop playing but at the same time I want to play it for her. All music I compose now is for her, including the strings arrangement. It´s to hard to write about this so I have to stop here but I write again when feeling better…….